DEAR HUSBAND...

Remember tonight when I told you I wanted to quick take my shower before you left for men's meeting? And remember how you thought that was silly? Your simple solution? Train Harrison to stay out of the bathroom, or just shut and latch the door so he can't get in. Well that sounds good and it probably would work for you. It seems like things go a lot smoother for you than for me. But for me, not so easy. First of all, in order to train, it seems to me that it would take a little more than a yell through the shower curtain to get the results that you want. And how convenient is it to hop out of the shower 3 or 4 times to chase after a toddler? Secondly, you're right he can't open the latched door, but let's not forget he has two older siblings who can.

Well, I was halfway through my shower and you were probably not even at the end of the drive yet, when sure enough the bathroom door opened. Mary had to go potty. And of course the whole clan tramped in after her. I sighed and waved goodbye to a peaceful shower.

"Mom, I think I made poopers. Can you wipe me?"

Really, I guess I could just lean out and do it quick without actually getting out of the shower. But have you ever tried to handle toilet paper with wet hands? Not so cool. So -- "I can't do it right now. Just do the best you can and go out of the bathroom." (I just know the longer they are in here the higher the chances for disaster.)

I look out and she is sitting on the potty with her little sponge dinosaurs and a key chain on the little chair in front of her. Definitely in no hurry to get out of here. Maybe toys in the bathroom is the child equivalent of us reading magazines etc. on the toilet. I reminded her of the "no toys in the bathroom" rule and told her to hurry and get off. This is what I heard next...

*toilet flushing*

"Mom, Harrison flushed the toilet and I didn't even wipe yet."

*sound of metal on porcelain*

"Mom, Harrison put the key chain in the potty." (thank goodness he flushed it before)

I look out but am in no position to back up my many and desperate commands. "Harrison, go out of the bathroom. Mary finish and wash your hands. Washington go out of the bathroom. Harrison, go out with Washington." My first leg is all lathered up and waiting to be shaved. And by the way "Washington, please close the door, you're letting cold air in." Goose bumps and shaving do not go together.

*pull my head back into the shower*

"Mom, Now Harrison threw my dinosaur in the potty."

*stick head back out of the shower*

"OK, Don't flush the potty. And wash your hands. And Go. out. of. the. bathroom." (Harrison immediately makes a dash for the flusher handle)

So ... If you don't know what to give me for Valentines maybe a peaceful shower or 2 or 3. Just Saying.

Love you too,
Your brave, monster-raising, somewhat clean, half-shaved wife.